Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
