What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
