well I can't set my house on fire every night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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