I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
