I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
