Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
