I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
