I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
