let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
