dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
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Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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