Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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