I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im holly from the hills drunk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
