It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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