If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
