TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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