I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just pynch a tree in the face
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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