Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
