Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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