I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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