your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
