About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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