MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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