I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
