dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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