There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I look better un-naked...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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