R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
