sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
