i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
