I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
