Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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