I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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