Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
