its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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