I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.