Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF