she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
