Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test