i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
