i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
