I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
