Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
