Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
