im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
