Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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