he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
