i don't like sucking hair
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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