Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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