I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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