rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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