I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
