I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
