he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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