end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
