I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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