My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
