Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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