What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
