naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
