I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
