i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
