Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
