Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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