Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
