shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
