Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
