and you said cock pushups were impossible
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize