I just made out with a guy for $7.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
