do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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