I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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