just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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