You're completely useless in the revolution.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
