Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
