I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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