If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
